Auf Achse
by JessicaRenee026
Summary: You see her, you can’t touch her, you hear her, you can’t hold her, you want her, but you can’t have her, you want to, but she wont let you. Jess fiction. Life after three months after the final confrontation with Rory.


Title: Auf Achese  
  
Author: Hadlee May  
  
Summary: You see her, you can't touch her, you hear her, you can't hold her, you want her, but you can't have her, you want to, but she wont let you. Jess fiction. Life after Rory.  
  
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls is not mine. Auf Achese isn't either. It was written by Franz Ferdinand, so, no suing me, please.  
  
AN: This is meant to be a short ficlet, but usually when I mean that, I usually make this whole long drawn out fiction. I guess it depends on how reviews go. Story idea came to me when I was listening to Franz Ferdinand. Enjoy!! Ooh, and Please, Please, Please Review!! I'll review anyone who review's me story(ies) if you just humor me.  
  
_You see her _

_You can't touch her _

_You hear her _

_But you can't hold her _

_You want to _

_But she wont let you  
_  
It was half past midnight when Jess Mariano wondered into his apartment. He purposely forwent the lights, having taken a liking to the darkness since he'd returned to New York City, alone, three months ago. He found that darkness suited his every day life, which only consisted of necessary actions: work, grocery shopping (if he remembered), and an occasional stroll through a book store, though books had become something he despised. An object that reminded him of something he so much wanted to forget, but wanted so badly to hold on to.  
  
He left his keys by the door, locking it behind him as he slammed it shut. He made his way easily through the apartment, heading towards the kitchen. He hadn't eaten since this morning and his stomachs urges for him to eat were hard to ignore. The fridge was nearing empty and he made a mental note to go shopping within the next three days. Better yet, after he received his pay check.  
  
Work wasn't something he enjoyed, stocking shelves with large boxes full of goods for a big name corporation. Though hated much, it paid the bills, and kept his mind off things for nearly seven hours a day. That's seven hours a day when she wasn't on his mind…for the most part, and he was glad for some relief.  
  
_She's not so special _

_So look what you've done boy _

_Now you wish she'd never _

_Come back here again_  
  
Jess figures that he would feel at home, being back in New York City. That the sounds of honking horns, squealing tires, running motors, and exhaust backfires would lull him to sleep as they had when he was seventeen, but no such look. Living two years in Stars Hollow has taken a toll on him. He spends many of his nights restless, trying not to think of the past.  
You can see her You can't touch her You can hear her You can't hold her  
  
One would think that three months of solitude would make a guy move on, yet he's still hung up on her. He thinks about her when it's quiet, her voice echoing in his ears, the hurtful two letter word she shouted over and over again still tearing at his heart, _"No! No! No!"._  
  
His dreams consist of her.  
  
Blue eyes, perfect for staring into.  
  
Brown hair, so soft, he remembered, as he ran his fingers through it.  
  
Small frame, he remembers how it felt to hold her.  
  
Perfect lips, still, after nearly two years of no contact, he could still feel them, brushing slowly over his with as much passion as someone as innocent as her could muster. Then, that had been enough. Thinking about it now, in the darkness, it's still enough.  
  
_You can't have her _

_You want to _

_But she wont let you_  
  
Jess refuses to acknowledge his broken heart. Out loud, anyways. Saying it out loud means that he truly has fallen, and that the pain is real and not just in the loneliness of his mind. Inside he's withering away, one feeling at a time, slowly withering into the cold New Yorker he had been raised to be. The warmth he'd found far away.  
  
_She's not so special _

_So look what you've done boy_  
  
He glances at the glowing numbers on the digital clock on his lamp stand by his makeshift bed, pushed up against the wall in the front room.  
  
The apartment was all that he could afford, a single room. His sleeping quarters were shared with the living quarters, and the kitchen. He was lucky to get his bathroom separate.  
  
Jess considers taking a shower, but decides against it. He's off tomorrow, and there's no reason to do so.  
  
_Now I'm nailed above you _

_Gushing from my side_.  
  
It's 12:00 and Luke decides to call. Jess is still up, watching the only channel he gets on his forty year old television.  
  
_"Hey Luke."_ Luke seems happier than usual. It probably has something to do with Lorelai. Luke had called at the beginning of the summer, informing of the relationship he'd gotten into. Jess had rolled his eyes then, saying _"It's about time."_, though silently wishing the older man luck, than aloud, _"Better treat her right, Luke, don't want to make my mistake."_ It's was the first time Jess had shared anything with Luke. Luke hadn't known what to say, finishing off the conversation with the news of his mother and step-father's accident. Luke had suggested he stop to see them when he had time. Jess had answered, _"Maybe."_  
  
His relationship with his mother wasn't good, but it was there, and they spoke on occasion when time permitted. Last time he'd spoken to her, she'd told him she was planning to move back to Stars Hollow, giving up the renaissance fair for a more settled living.  
  
_It's with your sins _

_That you have killed me _

_Thinking of your sins I die _

_Thinking of how you'd let them touch you_  
  
Three months later, Jess had begun to accept. Three months he's come home to a dark apartment, wallowing in his pain, hope always holding out that she might show up one day, telling him what he wants her to say, "I love you Jess, it just took me this long to figure it out."  
  
Hopes what keeps him going, though inside he knows that it will never happen. The facts are what makes him dead inside.  
  
A shell of who he used to be.  
  
_How you'd never realize _

_That I'm ripped and hang forsaken _

_Knowing that I will never rise _

_Again.  
_  
-THE END-  
  
AN: I sort of liked how this went. It's my first fiction where there's no real character interaction, and even though I sounded repetitious, I think it fit's the story the way it is. After writing this, I realized how sad exactly auf achese is. Sad lyrics, they reminded me of Jess just too much.  
I think that this might have potential to be a real story, though it wouldn't begin until my Like Jess, Like Eliza (which would be awesome to get more reviews on, too, btw) one is finished, but, give me your comments, I thrive on them. Please?  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!


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